R.W. Loony California Ballot Recommendations

My friends, like a lot of you, I don't have time to read about all these candidates and initiatives, so I'm just posting my brother, L.W. Loony's recommendations. Being a loyal, patriotic, God-fearing, heterosexual, gun-loving, post-911 Republican, I just vote against everything he's for.

President & Vice President	Barack Obama/Joe Biden	I hope you ignore L.W.'s recommendations and vote for the mavericks. If you must vote for a negro, at least vote for Alan Keyes.
US Representative, 53^rd District	Susan Davis	The Republican in this race is a real loser, so I guess the only choice for us real Americans is the Libertarian candidate, Edward M. Teyssier. He's not afraid to cut taxes for the wealthy, increase taxes for working people, and eliminate welfare. If for some loony reason you're curious about the "official" Republican Party candidate, his website is http://www.criminalsforcongress.com. By looking at Teyssier's website, you can see that he's also running for city council and wants to overturn the ballpark initiative. Apparently, he's also a time traveller, so he'll be able to save us from both terminators and terminonatators .
State Senator 39^th District	Christine Kehoe	She loves her country, her state, and the environment. Obviously a communist elitist with a wikipedia entry. You won't find her opponent in wikipedia.
State Assembly 76^th District	Lori Saldaña	A college teacher in the state assembly! That's the last thing we need. What we need are more politicians who are ignorant and proud of it.
Community College District B	William H. Schwandt	John Edwards is running against him and has been endorsed by the Republican party. How the mighty are fallen!
Community College District D	Dwayne Crenshaw	Dwayne is endorsed by the Democratic Party. The San Diego Republican Party didn't even bother to make an endorsement in this race.
San Diego Unified School District A	John Lee Evans	Evans is endorsed by the Democratic Party. I know Mitz Lee is a Republican and I know she wants to fire as many teachers as she can.
San Diego Unified School District D	Richard Barrera	Endorsed by the Democratic Party and running unopposed.
San Diego Unified School District E	Shelia Jackson	Endorsed by the Democratic Party.
San Diego City Attorney	Mike J. Aguirre	This Mike Aguirre thinks he works for the people of San Diego instead of the mayor. Jan Goldsmith is a loyal Republican and won't make that mistake.
Proposition 1A: High Speed Rail Bonds	YES	High speed rail? What, you think we're in Europe?
Proposition 2: Standards for Confining Farm Animals	YES	C'mon, they're farm animals. They're going to die anyway. What's the harm if they spend their short lives completely immobilized? If farmers let their chickens and pigs and baby veal cows move around, they'll be chewy instead of succulent.
Proposition 3: Children's Hospital Bond Act	YES	Hospitals for children??? Children should stop whining and go to the same hospitals as the rest of us.
Proposition 4: Parental Notification and Waiting Period	NO	Didn't we already vote on this at least twice?
Proposition 5: Rehabilitation of Non-Violent Drug Offenders	YES	Just because we can save a few billion dollars by treating drug abuse as a medical problem instead of a criminal problem, doesn't mean we should. Next they'll be wanting to build schools and hospitals instead of prisons!
Proposition 6: $500 Billion/Year for Longer Sentences and More Prisons	NO	Yes! Let's spend a billion a year on even more prisons and prisoners. I can't think of a better use for the money, can you? Oh, you can? Maybe you need to spend a little time as a guest of the state.
Proposition 7: Renewable Energy	NO	My goodness! Democrats, Republicans, the NRDC, and the League of Conservation Voters all say the vote "NO".
Proposition 8: Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry	NO	You know, I don't think this initiative does far enough: there's a lot of folks that should have their right to marry revoked. In my day, before you got married, you had to demonstrate your proficiency with firearms. The reason we have so many divorces today is that we let people without firearms get married. It's time we put a stop to this nonsense.
Proposition 9: Victims' Rights to Oppose Parole	NO	Yes! Another great opportunity to spend more of the tax dollars we don't have! And we get to pretend we're being tough on crime while we don't do anything about crime. Sheer genius!
Proposition 10: Alternative Fuel Vehicle and Renewable Energy Bonds	NO	Try to remember, we're Republicans. We don't do conservation and renewable energy, we just mindlessly chant drill baby drill. Oh, but wait! The "alternative fuel" in this initiative is natural gas. Not exactly renewable energy. Drill baby drill!
Proposition 11: Redistricting	NO	The California Republican Party is afraid to take a stance on this one, so I will: support our RINO gropenführer and vote "YES!". Any initiative that's been characterized as a "naked power grab by the state Republican Party," gets my vote. How do I get on this commission? Each commissioner gets $300/day plus unlimited expenses.
Proposition 12: Veterans' Bond	YES	Supporting the troops doesn't mean we need to spend money supporting veterans. After all, if they're veterans, they're not troops anymore.
San Diego Prop A: Regional Fire Protection	YES	What? Why should we spend money on fire protection? That's up to the invisible hand of the market.
San Diego Prop B: Unified Port District	NO	Apparently, a YES vote means we spend $800 million building a 96-acre deck over the San Diego Marine Cargo Terminal.
San Diego Prop C: Mission Bay Park Revenue	YES	According to SmartVoter.com, no one filed an argument against this proposition, but council people Scott Peters, Ben Hueso, and Jim Madaffer don't like the way it ties their hands in spending money. Near as I can figure out, it authorizes the city council to set up a commission to make sure that more of the Mission Bay lease money gets spent on Mission Bay and other city parks, and lists some worthy priorities for park maintenance.
San Diego Prop D: Permanent Beach Beer Ban	NO	This is a tough one for me. As a Maverick McCain-Palin supporter, I want people to drink as much beer as possible so they can get all mavericky. But I also want to send more people to prison. But I also want to impose my fundamentalist Christian values on everyone. I think for the first time in my life, I'm going to have to agree with old L.W.: you gotta fight (and vote) for your right to party!
San Diego Prop S: San Diego Unified School District Bond for School Repair and Safety	YES	What? More money for schools? And none for administrators? I'm sorry kids, we need this money for prisons. Study hard, ignore the falling ceiling tiles, stay out of trouble, and maybe you can grow up to be a prison guard.